To Quitting

The thing about quitting smoking is imagining life without smoking.  Or rather, reimagining life without smoking.

What was it like, before I smoked?

Can I even think of such a time?

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I took George for a walk tonight.  Today and tonight are the only two reasons one would ever fucking live in Indiana.  It was a beautiful day—high 60s to low 70s with mildly-gusty winds—and an even more wonderful evening—60s with only a slight wind; you don’t even need a jacket. 

As a smoker, you’d be puffing it up.  As a nonsmoker, you’d be breathing the fresh air*.

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Quitting smoking entails a life change.  A life-style change.  It’s no longer your style to go to a coffee shop, get a drink, and sit outside and smoke.  Now, you sit outside and read.  Or talk to friends.  Or just breathe deeply and enjoy the scenes.  Maybe you don’t even go for coffee anymore.

Quitting smoking means you leave a little later for places, since you won’t need to “waste time” smoking, or “get in” that “last” cigarette.  Quitting smoking means an extra ten minutes exercising, at least.  Not smoking means you’ll never have to worry about how you smell, or how your car smells, or how your house smells when you have visitors.  It means no more yellow teeth.  It means no more yellow finger nails.  It means extra money in your bank account.

Quitting smoking means you’ll have to find something else to do on that break, like walking or making a quick phone call to a friend or relative.  Quitting smoking means you’ll have to pick up gum or carrots to fill that oral fixation void.  It may even mean you’ll fidget more, snap at otherwise good-intentioned people, or chew the hell out of your pens.

When you quit smoking, you may have trouble sleeping.  You may have trouble getting going.  Quitting smoking means you’re going to be thinking about smoking, all the fucking time.  You’ll dream about smoking.  You’ll walk closer to smokers to get a whiff of their smoke and you’ll remember what it was like.  But quitting smoking means you won’t be smoking.  It means, it will just be a memory.  It will be who you were.  It will be that time in your life when….

Most of all, quitting smoking means you’ve chosen to stop inhaling smoke. 

Which is the stupidest fucking thing, ever.

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*Although, I always, ALWAYS, think about the car exhuast.  You’re also always breathing car fumes with that otherwise “fresh” air.  That, or other pollution from factories that wafts your way.

10 pm